Drafting At The Emergency Room

Hostess volunteered to drive me to ER (rather than get an ambulance)

She wanted ER doctor to diagnose and treat the rash on her arm for FREE before casting my broken leg.

- Broken In SH

Citizens on patrol in Southampton

About 6 yrs ago, my husband who is a volunteer fireman, while camping at Coopers Beach attending the Southampton muster.

This little old lady with her VW bug was turning around in the parking lot. She hit a truck, hit the same truck again in her attempt to turn around and was about to leave the parking lot. So a bunch of us decided to stand in front of her car so she couldn't leave.

She told us that "she was late for her tennis lesson" and wanted to leave.

We just waited for the police to arrive and the owner of the truck to arrive as we stood in front of her car so she couldn't leave!

So that was my "Rude in the Hamptons" Story

- LL

Is that poop on your white pants?

When my daughter was younger (14 now) we were walking down Main St in SH. She had her weekly treat of an ice cream cone from the Fudge Factory (her fave store).

As we were walking there was a line of "tourists" coming at us and you think someone would move aside as not to bump into her but ran right into her and you gu...essed it, wound up wearing the ice cream cone (chocolate on white). They got really upset but I just said "next time watch where you are going and you won't have a big brown spot on your pants.

Then said have a nice day and walked away. (you think they would have offered to buy a replacement for a crying 6yr old) The nerve of some people.

-LR

Hamptons Driving Guide

I work for a reputable company and I travel alot between the "Hamptons" from Remsemburg to Wainscott.

I've seen the worst of the worst.

Remsemburg, people with their "25 mph slow down Remsemburg" bumper stickers driving 45 on Main street and then yelling and cursing at me because I'm doing...yes you guessed it...25mph...

Next up is Westhampton/Westhampton Beach...yes it is a Hampton and I actually live in WHB...there's numerous things I can write here...from the bikers on Dune road to the people not knowing how to park on Main street...yes the Waldbaums has the worst parking lot ever...

Yo the "dog morning walkers" taking up all of Main street...

Next is Quogue...please pull over to the side of the road when you're on your little bike rides...I'm trying to work - driving everywhere and you're riding your bike in the middle of the street doesn't help me...

Seriously do I need to talk about Southampton or East Hampton hahaha...

Anyways you get my point...these citiots need to learn how to drive when they come from the city to visit their summer weekend homes...if it wasn't for these people I wouldn't have a job..but please work with us people..were just trying to work out there...

- DP

Who's Really In The Driver's Seat?

I was at the Driver's Seat in Southampton and some guy had his little dog and was told to take the dog away, he said it was an 'aid dog', yea right.

An his wife complained how 'hard' the tomatoes were. I thought they were great.

- X

Ulysses S. Grant subs in for Ben Franklin

I bartended a party in Southampton, for some very wealthy people. The party was about 6 hours. I was tipped $50 dollars!!!!

Cheap Bastard!!!

-M

This reminds me of a personal favorite Rude Hamptons story - Georgi Vodka Beats Ketel One In Blind Taste Test

Soup Nazi's Brother Caught Buying Soup in Southampton

I am glad I am not the only one who is offended by this prevalent & increasing rudeness.

Here' my most recent story.

I was in Southampton in the Health Food Store. A man infront of me had bought soup. He paid in cash, got his change and asked for a spoon.

The cashier handed him a spoon and he said, "Are your hands clean?"

She looked puzzled and he continued, "Have you washed your hands?"

She answered, "Yes..."

I'm thinking he's just handled US currency and he's worried about his spoon...

- A

Entitled Navigator Gets A Twofer

I had to go to Waldbaums in Southampton to pick up a few items on Friday. I like to park in the spots near the wall where there are two handicapped spots and about 5 regular spots.

I go to pull into a spot and see there is ginormous Lincoln Navigator (in black of course) deliberately parked over the line to take up two spots. I checked to see if there was a handicapped sticker on the car,  because I can understand someone with a wheelchair needing to take the two spots.

Of course, I didn't find one. Luckily, I was able to find a blank piece of paper in my car and left a nice note for the driver of the Navigator that read, "Learn how to park."

When I returned to my car I saw the Navigator had gone, and seemingly took my note along with it, just in case it forgot how to park in the future.

- T

Granny Etiquette Lesson in Southampton

A friend was eating chips in the parking lot of Waldbaums in Southampton.

An old lady comments, "we don't eat in public in Southampton. That's for New York City."

She then goes down the street to her car, and leaves her cart in the middle of the sidewalk.

I had to restrain myself from confronting her. No excuse for rude behavior even if you are old!

- Danny

Animal Cruelty at the Route 27 Mobil Station in Southampton

On a recent Sunday afternoon I was pulling into the Mobil Station on 27 from the north side of North Sea Road.

The only available pump required me to drive around the store island. As I drove around the island, a blond women in a black, CA registered, beat up, 4 Runner pulled onto the gas station, facing the same problem as I did from the other direction, she had to turn around in order to face the pump. She passed the pump preparing to do a turn around, when I pulled up at the pump just behind her after I drove around the store island.

After she saw me, she rolled down the window and gave me a fine sample of her repertoire of "f" and "a" words. I explained the situation to her, that I arrived at the gas station prior to her and moved on to fill my car. She pulled up behind the car at the pump next to me to start a conversation with the driver of the car in front of her, who quickly recommended to release the German Shepherd which was seated in the backside of her car, all of this while eying me.

Believe it or not, the women opened the door to let her German Shepherd out without a leash.

Fortunately I was done filling up my car at this point and left the gas station thinking how that poor dog must listen to that woman's foul mouth all the time.

-T

A Prick's Guide To Seating On The Jitney

So it was a quiet night on the Jitney back to Manhattan on Tuesday night.

In East Hampton a pretty (and clearly pregnant) lady in a flowing white dress gets on the Jitney.  She settles in, puts her bags up top, and relaxes.  Right before we got to Southampton she went to the rest room leaving her water bottle on her seat.  Mind you her luggage was above her seat in the overhead bin.

This was her seat.

This "typical" couple gets on the bus and since we are in Southampton not a lot of double seats are available.  Normally 2 people would split up as it's understood they are on a crowded bus and they are getting on at the last stop OR they would ask someone if they are willing to move so they can sit together.  It's not common or acceptable to just take someone's seat and toss their water bottle on the floor.  This is what happened.

The guy was oozing with "prick" attitude.  "Who's sitting here.  Is someone sitting here?"  The lady behind said "Yes, someone is sitting there".  "Well where are they?".  "In the bathroom".  He replies with, "Well maybe they should not have left, I can't tell anyone was sitting here."

So the couple sits down, puts the water bottle on the floor and the pregnant lady comes back to her seat and calmly says that she was sitting there.

He put on his tough guy prick voice and said, "Hey, are you flying solo".

She was like, "That's my seat, you can't just take it; that's rude."

He replied with, well you're a single and I'm part of a couple and we want to sit together so if you wouldn't mind moving (as if he gave her a choice).

She was visibly upset and then the blond bitchy other half of the couple responds with, "You are over-reacting.  This is not rude.  We are trying to sit together so you can just sit somewhere else."  It was so dismissive and condescending.

It was literally the lamest thing I've ever seen in my many years of coming to the Hamptons in the summers.  People around were shocked about the bastardized and entitled behavior of the couple.  They stole a seat from a pregnant lady and then made her feel like she was weird for wanting it back.

And FYI, she wasn't technically flying solo.  She is carrying a baby..........So it's 2 on 2 - not 2 on 1.  And props to the pregnant lady because she was so cool and refined about the whole situation.  She asked for her water to be picked up off the floor and she took another seat and made no big deal about it.  That's class and that doesn't happen often.

Fyi to the couple - what you did was rude.  Clearly you checked your conscience with your fake LV luggage under the bus.

I was lucky enough to pick a tweet up from our friends at Guest of a Guest and Doug was kind enough to send me the full story - The Editor

FYI to the couple on the Jitney who took a pregant woman's seat while she was in the bathroom and then told her to go elsewhere...thats F'ed6:52 PM Aug 4th from mobile web

dougalmarshall

New Jersey plates cause for accident fault presumptions

I was making a left on Bay Street into a private driveway this past week; I had my left turn signal on.

A contractor truck proceeds to pass me on the LEFT as I was turning. Needless to say there was a serious accident. My car is probably totaled.

What makes this unreal is that when the cop showed up he couldn't figure out who was at fault for the accident. He said something to the effect that I had New Jersey license plates so maybe I didn't know what I was doing.

One small problem with his theory, I grew up in the Hamptons.

- Local

In thinking up a title for this one, I've coined a new Hamptons term, New Jidiot: New Jersey Idiot. PLEASE NOTE: "Local" is not the idiot in this story.

Frick and Frack Haze The Starbucks Barista

Every summer my husband and I (and now daughter) take a day trip from our home in Center Moriches to the east end for some beach time, photo opportunities and delicious lobster roll sammies. Last year was no different and part of our trip included an a.m. jolt of caffeine from the Southampton Starbucks. My DH and daughter stayed in the car while I went in and got our drinks. I ordered and went to the counter to receive them when I noticed these 2 men berating the barista while their drinks were being made.

"Is that SOY milk?"

"Did you make that EXTRA HOT?"

Yelling and eye-rolling abounds! I felt so bad for the guy. When they finally got their drinks (and not a thank you to be heard) they stopped at the self serve area. I received my beverages, said my thank you and we shared a momentary I KNOW!! moment about frick and frack.

I wound up leaving the same time as them (and do you THINK they held the door??? Um, NO.) and they saw me getting into our vehicle.

One says to the other. "Look, a Jeep Commander" (they were getting into another Jeep) and the other one goes "Ew, it's an 06!"

Oh, well excuuuuuse us. I'm not sure if they were rude locals or rude tourists but it was just an obnoxious experience to be a witness to.

- LP

How to avoid a Deliverance experience on the backroads

I was driving with my daughter today to meet with our new primary care Dr in Southampton. We're tooling along the back roads to try & save time & avoid traffic. We're making great time for like the 1st half-hour. All of a sudden I see this white car with plastic garbage bags sticking out if it's grille, come zooming up on our butts outta nowhere. The driver and car reminded me of something out of that Beastie Boys video that I can't remember...Sabotage?

Well, we're both watching the side mirrors because he just rides my ass thru all the turns even where there's road construction going on. He would slow down enough to make the road people happy & then floor it right back to my back bumper. By this time, we've both seen "Jeepers Creepers"; and are thinking this is some crazed wacko...we don't dare stop because he's so close.

I wave him on past me so I could get rid of him. God, he seemed so determined to just get wherever the hell redneck crazy wackos hang out in the summer, but he's wearing his Deliverance face & continues to stray over the yellow line & then back on my ass. Fine, follow me all the way to my Dr, but I'm gonna have to hurt you if you hit my car. What a jerk! I felt like Karen Silkwood, waiting to be bumped off the road.

It was more than a little unnerving till I related the story to my honey; he said he knew why we're were being chased down....had to be the Obama '08 bumper sticker. How rude! GO OBAMA '08

- PB

- A simple way to avoid all of this is to cover your Obama sticker with one of our slick RudeHamptons bumper stickers.

Instructions For Weekend Hamptons Drivers

This is a message for all the non drivers that travel on Sunrise (or any other interstate or highway).   I would think people should know this but the left lane is intended for passing vehicles on the right.

At no point ever should anyone stay in the left hand lane.

After you pass someone you get back in the right hand lane. The right side of a vehicle is often considered the"blind spot" .

People shouldn't be passing on the right because it's not as safe as passing on the left.

If you are ever in the left hand lane and someone just passed you on the right.  Take a second; realize that you are the non driver I am referring to and MOVE OVER !!

If you in the left hand lane and you feel someone is tailgating you,  MOVE OVER to the right and realize that you indeed are also a non driver.

-SH

Trendspotting - Doorman at retail store in Southampton

I was exiting Lynch's last weekend and I saw some folks following me out so I held the door. There was one woman with a small child making her way. She and child stopped on the threshold of the doorway, she proceeded to put a hat on her
child's head, then walk out the door.

All the while I am holding the door, see...I got no thank you or any acknowledgment for this deed whatsoever.

Thought for sure I'd get at least a thank you out of her for making me wait.

- B

Twofers at Wildthyme

No story here yet...need to interrogate the wait staff about Sunday 2 for 1 dinners.

My wife and I stopped there for dinner on Sunday night having never been before.

The twofer menu had a disclaimer that took up half the page. I could only sit and smile thinking there must be many many many wonderful stories behind something that looks like a car rental agreement.

The Editor

BTW - Excellent Meal

Mommy what does bullcrap mean?

A woman bellowing loud enough into her cell phone to be heard from the Cooper's Beach overpriced hot dog stand all the way down to the lifeguard stand. This - the day before July 4th - today.

"No you SOB -- I told you I was picking the kids up tonight for the birthday party! "That's Bullcrap - yes she actually said bullcrap -- not the saltier version of the word - maybe just trying to be polite with the hoards of children around her listening to her post-marital bloviating

She goes on and on on what a lowlife, bottom dwelling scum her ex husband is - screeching at the top of her lungs - actually bumps into and nearly knocks over someone else's child on the way to the parking lot to continue her screech-fest (very considerate) ..and didn't stop talking as she ignored the child she bumped.

Do people - especially Southamptonites - have a clue they can be overheard on their cell phone. Other overheard LOUD cell phone conversations on the beach -- people discussing salaries - multimillion dollar confidential deals -- talking trash about easily recognizable people. All thinking they are in the privacy of their home.

Astonished on Coopers....

Call Of The Wild Taxi

It's a beautiful Saturday afternoon and I'm enjoying a brew after hanging out under my car all day and a lazy All Hamptons taxi driver has turned around in my driveway twice now and continues to drive by the neighbors house honking his horn looking for his fare!!

Why can't this guy get out of the car and knock on the damn door?!

- B

Down in front!

I went to Southampton Beach with my husband, my 2 children, my girlfriend, her 3 children and 4 other friends (twelve people in all). The beach was crowded that day so we looked for a spot just passed the life guard, but close enough to them. There was a women sitting further back on the beach. We started to set up our area closer to the water as we had 1 small child with us. The woman kept staring at me so I finally ask her why. She replies "Your blocking my view". I didn't know you can own a view on the beach.
- K

- Editor: What are the the proper beach rules? Normally if the tide goes out I move closer if I value ocean front seating.