Sunday, February 1, 2009

Food Delivery On A Porno Set

I've been telling this story for years to family and friends but figured everyone else might get a kick out of it (I've since escaped to another state as well so no fear of repercussions of telling it in a public forum now).

Please note that all names have been changed slightly to protect identities or avoid me getting sued by particular celebrities :)

In high school I used to work at a certain 4-Star Inn's restaurant across from a certain pond in a certain town that would be thought of the 'center' of the Hamptons.

One night we had a chef dinner. For those of you who don't know what chef dinners are, they are events where only reservations for the dinner are accepted-no walk-ins. Because of this there was a limited amount of restaurant staff on hand. There's also a set menu with many specific courses. There can be no deviation from the menu that night. All of these particular chef dinners had themes from different countries. I don't remember offhand what that night's 'hosting' country was. Only that the "main course" was a particular type of chicken being served.

Well, shortly before the dinner is about to start, who shows up at the Inn but two well-known actors who were having an affair (unbeknown to most people at that point in time). Of course the entire Inn was in a state of near-panic seeing as the two love birds did not have a reservation for a room, it was I weekend I believe. Luckily the Inn's owner had a semi-personal cottage as one of the rooms at the Inn, and a quick call to the owner secured the cottage for the couple. Quite nice!

But the two love birds lets call them oh.. Rick Hawk and Maggie May were ravenous (of course!) and desired a meal. Well of course they had to be told that the restaurant was closed and why. Instead of deciding to order something else standard from the room service menu, they of course desired to partake in the chef dinner. The restaurant's Chef and staff, eager to impress and please them (not to mention that 2/3 of the female staff was giddy over the prospect of serving the male love-bird), wholeheartedly poured their efforts into preparing and extra table. We dragged from outside near our storage shed a rather heavy extra table and lugged it up the steps into the dinning area. Seeing as there was limited staff though, I ended up doing most of the set-up work for their table after that.

The love-birds inquired as to where their table was located. The location of it apparently did not suit them, and the staff hastened to move the table to a corner of the restaurant. This went back and forth a few times with myself and another moving a very heavy table around the already prepared room, attempting not to jostle the other tables that were set with fine silverware and wine glasses. Finally it seemed the table spot was satisfactory and we breathed a sigh of relief. Too late.

Moments later the Chef realized since the meals were planned out in advance and ingredients precisely ordered, they did not have enough chicken. I was given money and asked to go get the chicken. Myself being a teenager and not a cook for the most part, was nervous about finding said type of chicken. I hastened to the nearby grocery store to find it. Being a local and honoring the right to privacy, I mentioned to no-one my all-important task of securing food for such important people during such a scandalous escapade. But, alas, the proper type of chicken was no where to be found. For this was a VERY specific type of chicken apparently. I asked the store workers, but was told of course, that all chicken was out in the case. I selected what I thought to be the closest match and hurried back to home base. Of course the chicken was not the right type but the awesome Chef of course had a solution.

The night progressed closer to the opening of the dinner.. the anticipation and glee grew amongst my two other female co-workers while I watched on in partial anxiety and amusement.

Close to the dinner's scheduled time, the lovebirds phoned in that they had decided not to dine amongst the masses, but to partake in a private diner. Now THAT made sense to me! While my two female co-workers argued amongst themselves who would bring what to them I steered clear of it and hoped I would not be enlisted to carry heavy trays down the kitchen steps, across the uneven, damp courtyard grass, up the cottage steps to the two honored guests.

Fate was not so kind. The head female co-worker had apparently won the fight to serve the lovebirds first, the wine and starter course. She came back elated and gleeful and sensing my fear, anxiety, and disgust over the gushing over the celebrities (when they were obviously at the Inn just trying to get away from all that!!), she barked at me that I would be going with my other co-worker to deliver the next course.

We loaded our trays and barely made it without mishap across the lawn and into the cottage where the female lovebird, Maggie May, was dressed conservatively in appropriate dinner attire. She graciously welcomed us in, holding the door for us and helped us to set our trays on the cottage's table and unload the items. I relaxed and thought that "gee this isn't so bad-she's really nice!". Just then her counter-part, Rick Hawk called to her from a small adjoining section of the cottage. When I looked over I was appalled to see him sprawled out in what appeared to be black silk SHORT boxers in front of the fireplace. I quickly averted my eyes trying to maintain composure even though I unlike most girls, was really horrified that someone would dress that way with perfect strangers coming in and out of his 'bedroom suite'. My co-worker of course was beaming with excitement and glee and trying not to gush. The male lovebird pointedly ignored us and the fact that we were delivering his food, mouthed not a word of thanks and went back to his lounging. Our temporary hostess warmly thanked us for our work and we went on our way, my co-worker grabbing my arm and practically squealing about the state-of-dress of the male lovebird.

All I can say is this. EWWW. To most people seeing famous stars and witnessing such a scandalous thing would be the highlight of their year. But for someone raised on the east end who has seen such stars walking around like locals do on the town's main streets, and in the stores, you come to realize they are just people like you and yes, they can act in films wonderfully. But for me that doesn't mean they are above simple etiquette of society. How they act is what counts for me. Remember I was only in high school. So for me I did NOT feel it was appropriate for this celeb to dress this way in front of us. I know most females out there will probably disagree. Needless to say, although I had enjoyed watching that particular male actor in various films before the incident, and indeed found him to be attractive, after that incident I avoided all films he was in like the plague and lost all respect for the guy.

So yeah, locals and city people are not the only rude ones out there-lets never forget the rude celebs!!

- HappyHampy