Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The Home Stretch

Yes, it's true. The summer is almost over.

There is still time to get your very own Rude Hamptons bumper sticker.

Submit your rude Hamptons story either via email or via our hot line - 631-771-8361.

I'm still working on East Hampton Fireworks plans, but if people are interested I might be able to hand out some bumper stickers. Leave me a comment and let me know if there is any interest.
The Editor

Do the hokey pokey and I'll toss your ass out

An older couple came into the restaurant looking for a table. The hostess, who is ~ 16, proceeds to tell them it will be 15 minutes until the table is ready.

Two minutes later, the man comes back and asks again for the table. The hostess again says 15 minutes.

At this point he pokes her in the forehead and tells her, "I don't need to be told that by a 12 year old."

Good thing I wasn't there, he would have been arrested.

Editor: Another great story gathered during my travels.

Monday, August 27, 2007

The BYOW Shim-Sham

A group of customers came into an East Hampton restaurant which allows BYOW (bring your own wine). The patrons brought in two of their own bottles. The server explained that there is a corkage fee.

$28 per bottle.

They consumed their meal and the two bottles of their OWN wine.

Comes check time, they tell the server they don't want to pay for two corkage fees.


They didn't enjoy one of the bottles.

Gotta love it.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

GoodFellas in the Hamptons

No matter how big a guy might be, Nicky would take him on. You beat Nicky with fists, he comes back with a bat. You beat him with a knife, he comes back with a gun. And you beat him with a gun, you better kill him, because he'll keep comin' back and back until one of you is dead. - Ace Rothstein in Casino

A working man on a normal mission of delivering his truckload of wood chips had to drive down a shared driveway to the customer. Unfortunately there were three houses sharing this one driveway. At this point the driver wasn't sure which was the right house. He stopped his truck to find out, during that time one of the homeowners came out and started banging on the truck.

The driver stepped out of his truck and asked what the problem was. The man didn't like his truck on the shared driveway. It was tearing it up. The driver told him, "Look, I need to drop off these wood chips. Just doing my job."

The irate man leaves, only to return with a baseball bat with which he started hitting the truck. The driver opened the door holding a tire iron and said, "You want to get rough?"

At this point the man backs off and calls the police. The police then told him wielding bats is not the way to resolve these kinds of situations.

The Editor - I was told this story in a bar over the weekend. What was Batman thinking? Is a yuppie desk worker really any match for a guy who hauls heavy materials and does manual work? Maybe he just finished watching Casino in his home theater.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Random Act of Kindness

I live in East Hampton and for some reason people find my driveway a convenient place to stop and talk on their cell phone. This action blocks my egress.

The other day I was driving out to leave and sure enough a lady had pulled up to talk on her cell phone on my driveway.

I decided to walk over and ask this lady why she was parking there. I told her I was just curious as why my driveway is so popular, because many other people use it as well.

Much to my surprise she apologized profusely and I thought that would be the end of it.

About an hour later she returned with a bouquet of flowers. WOW!

She bought flowers to apologize. I was completely shocked and thought this would be a good story to submit showing that not everyone in the Hamptons is rude.

- J

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Men in black leave trash behind

The day Elie Tahari had their grand opening in East Hampton a silver car parked on Pantago Road (Main Street) near my residence. The occupants were dressed all in black.

Black shoes, black pants, black undershirts, and black dress shirts.

They came and went from their car all day long, even though it was one hour parking.

Right before I left for work, I noticed one of the MIB walking back from IGA with bags of groceries.

Upon returning later that night I noticed a box of trash left on the road right where their car used to be. The box was filled with empty Gatorade and beer cans.

I'm not sure if the MIB left the trash behind, but it would seem logical.

- Conspiracy Theorist