Sunday, August 31, 2008

How to Recession Proof Your Coffee Shop Business

Saturday Aug 30. Labor Day Weekend.

I go into Java Nation like I've been doing pretty much every day. I know everyone that works there & has worked there. I have a thermos which grants me a small discount on a cup of coffee there.

Every day it's $1.00, regardless of who's working.

But today one of the owners (pretty obvious which one since the other one is cool as shit) told me $1.75. I actually had only brought four quarters with me, so I had to bring up the discrepancy.

The owner got mad with me about disputing the price & took my coffee out of my hand & tossed it into the sink, handed me back my empty thermos, & yelled GET OUT & pointed to the door.

I really wasn't going to force the issue and was about to ask her if I can bring her the 75 cents next time, since I'm in there everyday but by that time she was already wasting my coffee down the sink.

My suggestion is f*ckin hire somebody so she don't have to be behind the counter cuz that sh!t isn't working.

- Devoted Java Nation Customer

Friday, August 29, 2008

Bitch, Party of Seven

My wife and I head to a local restaurant tonight to enjoy a nice end of the summer dinner. In we go and we're behind a lady and five of her small children. We're probably talking under eleven years old.

Momma asks the hostess if their table is ready.

No table under her name, the hostess reads off all the parties of seven waiting. No luck.

"Well my husband put his name in and you said to come back in 10-15 minutes."

"Oh yes now I remember, that was at 6:25, it's 7:10, sorry we had to give your table away. I can put your name back in but it's a 45 minute wait for a party of that size."

"Bitch" says momma as she walks out with her family.


- The Editor

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Even the Rude Hamptons Editor Can Be Rude

A while back I got an email saying RheRudeHamptons editor loved my story about the idiot in Hess (the bottle opener she wanted to "borrow") and offered me a bumper sticker.  Although I have seen these bumper stickers around, like la superica,etc.,

I never got mine.

Is that rude, or what?

- Martha

Yes it slipped through the cracks, but rest assured three bumper stickers are in the mail tomorrow. - The Editor

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Yes really means no in the Hamptons

TO ALL of my Hamptons fair-weather friends......

I just want you to know that I think it was so incredibly rude that most of those who were invited did not show up at my boyfriends birthday bash this past weekend. I am wondering why people think it's socially acceptable to say "I'll try/will do my best to make it" when invited to a party! This is what so many people said even though I called them 3 weeks in advance. OK, I know, it's the Hamptons and on August weekends there are zillions of things to do. We all know you guys are keeping your options open so that if something better comes along, you will certainly attend that instead of our party, but optimistically we still planned for just about everyone to come. (Unless there is some formula or rule of thumb for Hamptons parties that we just don't know about?????)
How about this next time:  upon being invited to a party, unless you give a firm and resolute YES, why not instead say "I just can't make it". Period.  And if nothing better comes along, you can then show up at our party - hey, surprise us - and be gracious and bring a bottle. This way we don't get stuck with food for 60 when only 20 show up, and get stuck with the enormous cost of the food, booze and two helpers like we just were. Better to be short on food but have enough booze for these non-committal types, huh!
PS: For my next party - it's a bag of chips and a jar of salsa. Expect nothing else but I will never skimp on the booze. Hey, we have enough liquor now for 3 more parties, I am trying to look at the bright side of things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Bathing In Liquor

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Don't Try This In The High Speed E-ZPass Lane

This story came in as a comment and is worth pointing out.

Thanks Obama Girl!
Yep and there’s the woman who blew through the ticket machine today, same spot, slams on the brakes, jumps out of the car, runs back to the ticket machine & yanks the ticket out…. out & out STEALS the ticket from the next woman who had just gone over the speed bump to produce the ticket. All the while, woman #1 is holding her hand out like “don’t hit me” and “wait”.

If she’d done it to me, we would have each had a a 1/2 ticket. I especially love the hand out, likes she’s directing traffic to stop while she puts the world on hold because she’s a dumbass. I CANNOT wait for Labor Day. Send these privileged idiots back home.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Seeking the wet look on Newtown Ln

I was on Newtown Lane turning into the parking by Waldbaums. I was in the turn lane and I looked over because everyone was going around something. When I looked over I saw a man standing in the middle of the right lane spraying ArmorAll on his tires. His car was parked on the side of the street.

I just started laughing because I have never seen something so ridiculous. People started beeping, but he kept spraying his tires.

- M

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Where are your manners Panama Jacka$$?

I'm married to a local, who grew up in Springs. We live in Florida now and visit family about twice a year. Summers are exciting for me, torture for him. I drag him into the village all the time for some people watching.

One morning I decided to venture out on my own with my daughter in her stroller. We were hungry and walked up to the Golden Pear on Newtown. As I approached the door (and step) a man dressed in a white, all linen suit jumped in front of me, whipped open the door, and walked right in. Leaving the door to slam in my face.

Forgetting all decorum I yelled after him, "What the F***!??"

A local, had to be a local, noticed and shook his head and helped me through the door and even helped get the stroller up! I was so baffled...I felt like I was in another where they ignore women!

- Jenny

I immediately thought of the Panama Jack guy when I read this story. - The Editor

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Cucumber Caper at the new Zabar Amagansett Farmers Market

I am a cashier at the new Amagansett Farmers Market (now owned by Eli Zabar, the food is pretty good) and I am happy to report that most people have been quite courteous to me, considering that I am working a cash register alone and quite young.

Today, however, I was checking my prices with the price guide, when a woman yelled at me for pricing her four cucumbers incorrectly. It was said on the guide that cucumbers were $1.49/lb. As the cucumbers were relatively light, this figured out to about $1.20 each. The woman screamed that I was ripping her off, and claimed that a sign outsides called cucumbers 99 cents each. I had already swiped her credit card, and said that it was too late for that.

She refused to leave and asked to see Eli himself. I offered her $1.25 out of my own pocket but she refused, on a crusade to correct this "fallacy."

I asked her to get out of this shop right now, I have other people to service. I showed her the math on paper, and she couldn't deny I was right. I did not give her anything. She left in a huff, and people were switching to the other line throughout.

One man in the back stayed, simply to say to me "what a bitch."; This is my favorite man in the world. I hope he sees this.

- The Cashier

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Conscience Point Inn Amagansett

I live on Montauk Hwy in Amagansett. It is a well known busy road. I have a fairly big drive way, so it is used all the time by people turning around. We don't mind, so it doesn't bother us.

The other day I was in my house when I heard a car pull in. I thought it was one of my family members coming home. I looked out the window and noticed a black Mercedes parked halfway in my driveway, and half sticking out in the road. They way she was parked, she was blocking the driveway from anyone else pulling in, and I was expecting people home at any moment.

Another woman appears with her bike. I assumed that the woman with the bike had a flat tire or something, and called a friend to pick her up. Instead of loading the bike up, and leaving, they proceed to have a chat and laughing. I noticed cars heading west had to swerve towards oncoming traffic to avoid hitting these two woman.

I go to the front door, and say nicely to them, is everything all right.

"Yes, we are fine." They go back to their conversation.

I say, "if you need to you can pull all the way in to load the bike in the car, so you are not close to the street."

They proceed to say, "no it is okay."

I tell them that I am expecting people home any minute and they won't be able to pull into the driveway.

They look at me like I have two heads. "We are just talking we will leave in a few minutes, what is the big deal?"

I am a little shocked. I said nicely, "I just don't want to see anyone get into an accident." They rolled their eyes at me, and I just walked back into my house. It wasn't like I went out there threatening to call the police if they didn't get off my property.

A woman was hit pulling into her driveway on this road down the street, so that is why I was concerned.

- The Driveway Bouncer

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Please Play Frogger with me on Route 27

I check this website all the time in the summer. I finally have a story that I just had to post. I have lived out here for half my life, and went to the schools. So, I know what the summers are like, and I begin my Labor Day countdown when Memorial Day is over.

I work at a beverage store in East Hampton. We get our share of the weird people in the summer. One guy even asked me, "How many bottles are in a case of 12?" Another one asked, "Is the beer in the cooler cold?" So you get an idea of what we deal with.

Yesterday was a usual Friday in the summer. I was waiting on people and my co-workers were working hard in putting their orders together. A woman was next in line comes up to the counter. She had on one of the typical tourists hats on, and had a French accent.

The conversation went like this:

French Woman: "Do you deliver?"

Me: "Yes, we do. Monday through Friday."

French Woman: I am staying across the street. Will you be able to bring my order there?"

Me: "Yes, but we also have a ten case minimum. But, for a same day delivery, you have to have your order placed by 11am."

French Woman: (Gives me a deer in the headlights look) But it is just right
across the street."

Me: "Yes, I know Madame. I am sure something might be able to be worked out for you, but the delivery man is out on deliveries, and I cannot ask him right now."

French Woman:(Sighs and rolls her eyes at me) "Well, how long is he going to be out?"

Me: "I am not sure, most likely not until 4:30 or 5."

French Woman: "Well can someone walk over with me to the hotel? I don't have a car. I can't carry that much stuff because I have a baby in a stroller?"

Me: "I am sorry madame we will not be able to do that."

(She is starting to roll her eyes again.)

French Woman: "Why not it is just right across the street?"

Me: "Yes, I know but it is not possible. It is a very busy road. It would be too dangerous for the him to take a heavy handtruck across the street. Also, it is very hot outside. It is a question of safety."

By now one of my co workers has come up to the counter and was listening to the conversation. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. She finally walks away after telling me that she will just get a few things then. She walks around the store for ten minutes. I wanted to know where is the baby in the stroller she was talking about. After she paid and left, we were talking about it, and sure hoped she didn't leave the child outside alone in this heat. After she left, we all said "What is with these people?"

From the people I see, it seems that when you have a lot of money, you loose your common sense.

Can't wait until Labor Day!

- St. Pauli Girl

In case you aren't hip to the videogame Frogger, check out this Seinfeld clip - The Editor

Friday, August 1, 2008

Yes I Am Better Than You

I was volunteering at a Hampton event today. It wasn't open to the public yet, but someone who apparently thinks he is "Steven Seagal," above the law, comes into the event and proceeds to wonder around.

Another volunteer stops him and asks, "can I help you?"

"Steven" replied, "I'm just looking around."

The volunteer replied, "I'm sorry you need to come back when we are open to the public."

At this point the conversation escalates back and forth. "Steven" replied, "I spend thousands of dollars to come out here every year and I feel I'm entitled to have a preview of the event."

The volunteer replied, "you and everyone else in this town. What makes you think you are so special?"

"Steven" asks, "are you saying you're better than me?"

The volunteer replied, "I'm not saying that at all, all I'm saying is that I'm in charge and I'm asking you to leave."

"Steven" replied, "so you're saying you're word is better than mine?"

The insanity continued, it could have been a Seinfeld episode.

Seeing there was no resolution to the insanity, the volunteer had to walk away.

- Vicky The Volunteer