Sunday, July 26, 2009

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Sunday, July 19, 2009

No Cash, No Carry in Sag Harbor

So, I decided to get out early on Saturday morning to do some yard saling. Me and my sister ran into Noyak Deli in Sag Harbor to get breakfast. We ordered and were just standing around waiting for it to be ready.

A little later, two young college dropout looking guys go up to the counter with five or six cases of beer and start yelling at the cashier because the store doesn't take ATM Cards and they have no other way of payment.

Me and my sister were actually scared to go get our breakfasts on the counter once they were ready because of how angry these guys were getting.

It's not the cashier's fault they don't take ATM Cards! And it's not like there's anything they can do about it. You don't have money? Sucks for you! Yelling will not make an ATM Machine suddenly appear so chill out and enjoy your vacation in the Hamptons.

- Hannah

Saturday, July 18, 2009

The Crying Game of Hamptons Liquor

Our blog friends, GuestofaGuest, tipped us off to a Page Six WE HEAR . . . article that a few Hamptons restaurants are under investigation over refilling high end booze with the rot gut brands. I guess law enforcement never read our story from last summer, Georgi Vodka Beats Ketel One In Blind Taste Test, where some asshat actually thought Georgi Vodka was Ketel One.

Good to know that some restaurants don't do such terrible things.

- The Editor

Friday, July 17, 2009

How to protect yourself from being sodomized by your customers

Warning to all pool companies out there...if someone from Springwood Lane in East Hampton calls you to start pool yourself a favor and forget it. Mr. Non-Stereotypical Summer Gay Man is looking to simply bounce from pool company to pool company without paying! This piece of crap had me open his pool late June, with a winter cover so threadbare that it resembles a frock he might wear (had it been custom-fit).

Two weeks later, house is rented (for big $$$ he tells me, of course it is). The pool is clear, but continues to be a chartreuse green.

Why, you ask?

Because this dildo keeps putting the hose in the pool from a location that is not filtered, after being repeatedly told that he should NOT do that because the unfiltered water from his well, contains metals (you can see the rust shoot out of the hose into the pool), it reacts with the pool chemicals & look...a green pool.

Next, asswipe decides my bill "is too high" (he had given me a bad credit card to process and guess what, it came back - DECLINED!!!)

Oh, and he had hired me because he didn't need to have "sexy young Latino men parading around his homosexual home".  But then proceeds to make complaints & excuses (after the pool is open and billed) to piss me off and basically tells me that he is letting me go.

Oh really?!

Not so fast jerk!

I am taking this cheap s.o.b. to Small Claims court, where I WILL get my money, for services rendered PLUS court costs.

Eff me?

No, eff you dude.

This happens all the time out here & people won't usually pursue it. He's messed with the wrong company. Take note others...those that have been screwed, there is something you can do - those who are doing the screwing...your day is coming.

- The Pool Guy

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

NEW - Amagansett Drive-Through Safari - Forget Six Flags!

Travelling down Cranberry Hole Road a car of Jersiots stopped short right in front of us, causing my husband (with awesome reflexes) to lock our truck up and turn to the side to avoid hitting them. The windows on the passenger side rolled down and heads and arms crane out with a camera, pointing with the most shocked expressions of absolute, pure joy.

It was our Sunday drive and I was not about to let this ruin my day, so we sat back and waited patiently as they snapped photos into the woods and exclaimed "THAT'S AMAZING!" for a couple more minutes, and we wondered if they even realized there was a obnoxiously loud turbo diesel truck idling five feet behind them.

Slowly, and reluctantly, the heads sink back into the car and they move on, making us wonder.  What in the world were they looking at?  Did they find the Montauk Monster?  The Camp Hero Beast?  Bill McGintees brain running loose through the forest instead of his head where it's been missing from for years?

Their glee and wonder at this apparently exotic animal they stumbled over on their Bonac Safari peaked our own curiosity, so my own head stretched out the window when we finally had the chance to drive by ourselves.

"What is it?  What is it?" my husband asks and my reply was more of an "Are You Serious?" type of shock than a truly awed one.

No Montauk Monster, no beast, no brain.

It was a turkey.

A friggin' turkey.

Do they not have Turkeys in Jersey? If they really wanted to see one I would of been happy to give them the 19 pounder in my freezer.  I personally think they're a lot cuter without that tiny head and all those feathers, preferably Golden Brown with cornbread stuffing on my Thanksgiving Table.


I loudly Gobbled at it, and hoped my poor attempt at Turkey Language translated to "Get in the woods you damn bird.. you're amusing the tourists too easily!" At least the gobbling made my hubby giggle, since before that second he looked more ready to make a Golden-Plated-Jersey-Volvo sacrifice to the Poultry Gods.

I hope those folks don't cause any accidents by stumbling over a rare and elusive Squirrel or even gasp, Bunny. "AMAZING!"?  No, not car accident-worthy amazing.


Thursday, July 9, 2009

New Jersey plates cause for accident fault presumptions

I was making a left on Bay Street into a private driveway this past week; I had my left turn signal on.

A contractor truck proceeds to pass me on the LEFT as I was turning. Needless to say there was a serious accident. My car is probably totaled.

What makes this unreal is that when the cop showed up he couldn't figure out who was at fault for the accident. He said something to the effect that I had New Jersey license plates so maybe I didn't know what I was doing.

One small problem with his theory, I grew up in the Hamptons.

- Local

In thinking up a title for this one, I've coined a new Hamptons term, New Jidiot: New Jersey Idiot. PLEASE NOTE: "Local" is not the idiot in this story.